Famous Cancerlanders

The Republic of Cancer has no postal service and therefore, of course, no stamps.  That is a great pity, because the roster of famous Cancerlanders on which to draw for commemorative purposes is truly impressive.

From my own province of Esophagus, the intense and beautiful Method actress Frances Farmer, who voluntarily committed herself to a mental institution at one point and went through a number of electro-convulsive therapy treatments.

From the town of Jaw in Oral Cancer Province, Sigmund Freud.  By way of summary, Auden said it best, after Freud’s death: “To us he is no more a person now but a whole climate of opinion.”

From Lung & Environs, a long parade: Yul Brynner, that striking shavepate of an actor….Nat King Cole, as brilliant at the piano as at the microphone…Gary Cooper…two dukes, Ellington and John Wayne.

From Breast, the impossibly stunning Ingrid Bergman…and Bette Davis…the poet Grace Paley…the wickedly sharp columnist Molly Ivins….the astrologer Athena Starwoman.

From Pancreas, Luciano Pavarotti and Patrick Swayze…from Prostate, Frank Zappa.  In the words of that awful phrase, the list goes on and on.

Imagine how stunning mail from Cancerland would be, with tiny pictures of such people as the aforementioned (and all the many unmentioned others) affixed snugly to the upper right-hand corner of each and every envelope and post card.

Why, it would be a pleasure to get such letters and cards.

Published in: on March 17, 2010 at 3:36 am  Comments (1)  

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  1. The American Cancer Society published estimated numbers for 2009 of new cancerland members, famous or non-famous.

    Bladder 70,980
    Breast (Female – Male) 192,370 – 1,910
    Colon and Rectal (Combined) 146,970
    Endometrial 42,160
    Kidney (Renal Cell) Cancer 49,096
    Leukemia (All) 44,790
    Lung (Including Bronchus) 219,440
    Melanoma 68,720
    Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma 65,980
    Pancreatic 42,470
    Prostate 192,280
    Thyroid 37,200

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