Cancerland Weights & Measures

You know how, at the planetarium, you can step on various scales to see how much you’d weigh elsewhere in the Solar System?

Well, by my calculations, Cancerland has roughly the same specific gravity as Uranus, because I weigh about twenty percent less here than I did back home.

There are good and bad things about weighing twenty percent less.  I wasn’t chubby in the first place, so here in Cancerland I am probably too lean.  All right, to be honest, my torso at this point looks a bit too much like that of the figure depicted on the Shroud of Turin, whoever he may be.  Starkers, I might be a flesh-colored TV antenna.

On the other hand, dressed, I think (perhaps delusionally) that I look lanky, in that wonderful Henry Fonda, Jimmy Stewart, Gary Cooper way, though I am not nearly as tall as they were.

I once wrote about Fred Astaire (for someone else to say aloud on television; I am plagiarizing myself here) that he was so thin he looked as if he could turn around inside his clothes.  This, to me, gave the man a kind of  transcendant elegance, and I like to think (especially after a grappa) that I now have maybe just a tiny touch of that.

On top of which, given what’s stalking me, the ability to pull off a surprise getaway by turning around inside my clothes may prove to be a very handy thing indeed at some point.

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Published in: on March 4, 2010 at 5:42 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’ve shared with many, and get the same reaction…what an amazing story.

    I hope you reach escape velocity from Cancerland soon.

  2. I’m mesmerized as I read…I find myself waiting each day, wondering how much more you will reveal about who you are…making me wonder if I, put in the same place, could do the same. I dont think so..but who knows. I don’t want to visit cancerland, but its a pleasure to meet you.

  3. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

    Henry, Jimmy and Gary! Oh….Dang I’m heading for the closet!

    Hang in there EF, success is always under construction


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